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Vegelus
30-09-2009, 10:28 PM
They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.

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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

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Q: I want to walk from Perthto Sydney- can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns,Townsville and HerveyBay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

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Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

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Q: Can you send me the ViennaBoys' Choir schedule? (USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ....
oh forget it. Sure, the ViennaBoys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydneyand is milk available all year round? (Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal .

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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australiawho can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

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Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

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Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmaniawhere the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy )

A: Yes, gay night clubs.

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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.

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Q: I was in Australiain 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..

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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

Turiel
30-09-2009, 10:45 PM
Hmm! Link to original!

dantheman
30-09-2009, 10:53 PM
http://www.amazingaustralia.com.au/faq.htm

It's not the offical Australian Tourism Website but funny none the less.

Muffy
01-10-2009, 03:18 AM
lol, I'm there now :D

AnteroVipune
01-10-2009, 06:21 AM
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

heh

Duckman
01-10-2009, 06:26 AM
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Made me laugh all the way to the laundry room :)

/Duck

Vegelus
01-10-2009, 06:31 AM
Hmm! Link to original!

It's a copy paste from some other forum, no linky there. Seems that Dan found something like real source anyway.